The two of us
by f.j.k.w
Summary: Jane and Kurt and a not so fake marriage
1. Chapter 1: A proposition

"We could get married," he says after a while. Jane stares at him, mouth open. Her eyes widen. He looks at her. Patterson is also surprised.

"You think it could work?" Patterson is the first to talk after what seems like forever.

Kurt is still looking at Jane. She seems like she's in shock. "It could. At this point, it seems like there's no other way out."

Patterson looks at her drink, hands touching the glass, mind calculating the possibilities, considering the different scenarios. She sighs. "Yeah, it could. What do you think Jane?"

But Jane can't hear her. She just looks at Kurt. He's tired but he smiles at her. "Jane?" he says softly.

"Married?" she whispers, "Us?"

"Yes, you and me," he says.

"But how… why… why would we do this, I mean I don't get it, how can this help, Kurt? Why?" She looks confused.

Patterson puts her hand on Jane's forearm. "If you get married, they cannot make him testify against you. Can't compel him to disclose any communication between you two. Can't force him to take a polygraph test. It's called spousal privilege. It could actually work Jane."

Jane hears what Patterson says, but she doesn't stop looking at Kurt. "Why would you do this?" she asks him.

"Because it would keep you safe," he replies.

She doesn't speak for a while, looking into his eyes, trying to digest this new information. And, then, she is angry. "That's stupid Kurt. It's just stupid. This is not a solution." She is yelling at him. "I can't do this. I won't do this".

"I am not that bad," he says, "I mean, I have my issues and Borden would probably say I'm fucked up but I think you could put up with me for a while", he tries to humor her.

"I won't drag you more into this Kurt. Won't do that. I'm not going to continue screwing your life. You don't deserve this." She is shaking now and her voice cracks.

He wants to hug her and tell her that she's can't screw anything that is not already broken, that if she had done something in his life that was only good. But there's a table between them and Patterson is also there and, most importantly, he thinks to himself, she probably doesn't want him to. "And you deserve all this? You deserve being on the run all the time? Being treated like this? Not being able to breathe and build a life?" he raises his voice.

"Yes, I deserve it. I've fucked up, I've made bad choices, I allied with bad people. I deserve everything that happens to me. But, you deserve nothing of this Kurt", she cries now, "you are a good person and you deserve nothing of this."

Patterson is looking at both of them sad. There is so much pain between them. But there is also something else, something she is not sure she should name yet, not sure if they even know or admit to themselves.

She thinks about the events of the last few weeks. So many things have gone so wrong. The team never recovered Fischer's investigation. Mayfair was right. Internal investigations bring a lot of things out, not always good. What happened with Jane made Mayfair and Reade as suspicious of Jane as they were at the beginning. More, actually. They decided to monitor her without telling Kurt or anyone else. But it seemed that Jane was into it and succeeded to escape them every time. They were sure that she was hiding something bad. She knew that they knew and they knew that she knew they were after her.


	2. Chapter 2: Falling into darkness

They decided to monitor her without telling Kurt or anyone else. But it seemed that Jane was into it and succeeded to escape them every time. They were sure that she was hiding something bad. She knew that they knew and they knew that she knew they were after her.

Jane was desperate. She was trapped. She didn't know what to do. She could not tell the people threatening her that her team was suspicious of her because they had made it clear that they would not hesitate to kill them to protect the damn mission. She could not tell her team for the same reason. She was losing her mind. There was no way out of it. No way that didn't involve the people she cared about (the people she loved) being hurt.

She couldn't find peace even for a moment. She couldn't stand being at the FBI looking at Mayfair and Reade, and after a while Tasha, looking at her questioningly. She felt like a criminal. She couldn't stand the looks they were giving Weller. The fact that she'd made them come as far as to see their best agent and friend as her victim.

She couldn't stand looking at Kurt, still worried about her, knowing that she's blatantly lying to him. But even him was detaching himself from her. She seemed happy with his old girlfriend, always making a point about it in front of her and the team. At the same time, he was frantic every time Jane was threatened or injured in the field and always standing up for her at the numerous at this point confrontations he had with his boss and coworkers.

She wanted to run away to protect them but knew at the same time that the minute she did that, one of her friends would be dead. She felt alone, so alone, and so desperate. She wanted to go to him to tell him everything and give him a gun and ask him to do whatever he wanted with it, with her.

She felt like a nothing, a big fraud, a mistake in this world. She didn't have anything and she didn't have anyone.

Her old team and her old self were making her sick. She didn't know the master plan but she didn't care anymore. Whatever the plan, it could not justify the means, this version of her couldn't at least. The meetings with ex-fiancé, his new attempts to get close to her, his manipulations, his 'missions', she could not take these anymore, she was drowning. She started yelling at him one night telling him to shut up, to leave her alone, that the woman he knew, they knew, is dead and she's glad she's dead and she's not coming back. He threatened again to kill Weller if she didn't get it together and didn't cooperate and that was the point she cracked and made her decision. There was no way out unless she was out of the way. He told him that if they didn't leave them alone she would kill herself. And she meant it. He was surprised. "If this is what it takes for him to be safe, for them to be safe, I will be out of the way."

She started thinking about it. How she could do it to induce minimum pain to him. To not make him blame himself for another lifetime. She could not just walk away. He would go after her, he would move heaven and earth and get himself killed. She could not do it in the field when he was there. Not by herself because he would blame himself for not seeing the signs, not preventing it. It should be something definite but not directly involved with the work or him. An accident of some type. She knew that what she was thinking was crazy, that whatever she did he would blame himself, that she would ruin him all over again.

She was losing her mind. Most nights she couldn't breathe. She thought she was dying, she wished she was. During daytime, she was practically a zombie. Borden noticed, Patty noticed, Kurt noticed. The rest of them were seeing her behavior as a confirmation of their suspicions.

One night after everybody had gone home after a long day that almost cost Kurt his life, she couldn't take it anymore and collapsed in the locker room. Patterson and Borden, still in the office discussing some new ideas about how they could find the connection between the tattoos and the people who did this to Jane, found her crying in the floor. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't talk, she couldn't hear them. Patterson kneeled in the floor, hugged her and started crying with her.

Half an hour later, Jane was at the same place in the same condition. She told them that it was all her fault, that she was putting everybody in danger, that she wanted to disappear or die. She had reached for her gun. Patterson was looking at Dr Borden in dread. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed a number.

Weller was there in less than 15 mins, probably having violated every red sign in his way to the FBI, a frantic look on his face, when he kneeled in the floor and took her in his arms. "I'm here Jane, I'm here. I have you, don't worry Jane. I'm here."

His face and his voice were the only things that Jane seemed to be able to register. She hugged him tightly, her face buried in his chest, and started apologizing. "I'm sorry Kurt, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept repeating like a mantra.

His hands hugged her tighter going up and down her back and he kept kissing the top of her head. "It's okay, Jane, it's okay, I have you now, it's going to be okay, please don't cry."

Patterson was looking at Borden, silently pleading him to also do something. "She needs him," he said quietly. "Agent Weller, Agent Patterson and I will be just outside. Please come to us when Jane feels better." Weller nodded, his eyes never leaving Jane not even for a moment.

It took another twenty minutes before her cries died out and her breathing became even. He never loosened his tight embrace, never stopped talking to her or kissing her head. His heart beat became more stable as well. When Borden called him and told him that Jane had collapsed, was in a bad state and was reaching for her gun, he thought his mind would explode. He instantly blamed himself. Of course he did. He had abandoned her when she needed him the most. His fear over his feelings, his need to protect his job and his 'objectivity' had done this to Jane.

She was alone, they were the only people she had in the whole world, and all of them, except Patty, had abandoned her, had used her to make their job easier but never once thought how she was doing after work, what did she come back to in the night, how she spent her time off. Instead of being there for here the whole time, he left Reade's accusations get to him. Yes, he had feelings for her, and yes the idea of losing her was making him sick, and yes she affected him. Instead of owning all these, he left his pride and his fears get the best of him. And now this is what happened.

He kissed her head once more and then pulled her away to see her face. She panicked at the distance suddenly put between them and grabbed his jacket. "Hey, Jane, I'm not going anywhere. I just wanna see your face."

She didn't look up, tightly holding his jacket's lapels. "I'm so sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry Kurt."

"Hey, look at me. Jane? Look at me. It's okay, there's nothing to be sorry." Her lips started trembling again. He hugged her and heard her sighing.

They stayed like that for some time more. She talked first. "I don't wanna go anywhere. I want to stay here."

He smiled. "We can't stay here in the floor forever, Jane. Patty and Dr Borden are waiting for us and, then, we can go home to get some rest."

She looked at him for the first time. "No, please, I'm so tired. I don't wanna talk. And I don't wanna go to the safe house."

He kissed her forehead. "We're not going to the safe house. We're going at my house. But you need to talk to Dr Borden and me. You can tell us what is bothering you and we'll find a solution."

She broke their embrace. "There's no solution to this mess, Kurt. The only solution is for me to disappear one way or the other. There's no other way you can be safe."

He shook his head immediately and reached for her. "You are not going anywhere. We'll figure this out."

Always the protector that Kurt Weller, always finding solutions and trying to protect her. But there's no solution this time. Can't protect everyone, Kurt Weller. She's tired. So so tired. But she can't let him get to her. She gets up. "Not this time Kurt, not every time. We can't win this," she whispers.

He doesn't like the tone of her voice, her giving up attitude. This is not Jane. "Tell me what's wrong, " he pleads.

"Everything is wrong."

He takes her hand with one hand and cups her cheek with the other. He feels her leaning on his palm. She closes her eyes. Why can't things go her way for once? Why can't she have a moment of peace with him? Why is everything life or death? But perhaps things go her way, according to her plan. A voice snaps in her. "This is not _your_ plan. This is _her_ plan. Don't you dare say this again."

She's tired. She wants to believe him, she wants his touch to last forever, but she knows there's no happy ending here. "Kurt…"

"Talk to me..."

Drugging her by the hand, they go out in the hallway where Patty and Borden are waiting. Patty is looking very worried. She hugs Jane. "Oh Jane… Are you okay? Please don't do this again. We're here for you, Jane. You can talk to us."

Jane feels tears in her eyes again. "Thank you," she says, "Thank you."

"How about we got to my office to talk? Would you like that, Jane?" Dr Borden offers with a smile.

"I can't Dr Borden, I can't" she pleads.

"Of course you can, Jane. You can tell us everything."

She sighs. "I can't."

"What scares you Jane? Why do you think something will happen to us if you talk? Did somebody threaten you?" Dr Borden is straightforward. Kurt and Patty turn to him surprised.

Jane is surprised also. But she should have expected this. She already said too much. And she shouldn't. "I'm alright Dr Borden. There's nothing to talk about," she says but her voice trembles.

Kurt turns to her worried and grabs her arm. "Jane? Did somebody threaten you? Did they hurt you?" His eyes roam her from head to toe looking for the signs.

"I'm okay. No one is threatening me. It was a long day. You almost got killed because of my tattoos and I couldn't take it anymore. That's all. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I worried you." She looks at his worried blue eyes and she wants to start crying again because although what she said was not really a lie, she's lying again. To him, to her friends.

Dr Borden is looking at her. He's obviously not convinced, not convinced at all, but really doesn't want to push her more tonight. "I'll see you in my office tomorrow at 10 am, Jane," he says. "Agent Weller, make sure she's not alone even for a minute tonight. And bring her in my office tomorrow. Am I clear?"

Kurt hears the doctor but his eyes are focused on her. What's wrong? Why is she so scared? Why did Dr Borden say that? He feels panic at the thought of her being threatened by someone, of someone being after her. What the hell was he thinking, what were they all thinking leaving her alone without her detail? Someone was crazy enough to do this to her, and then go after her with a bomb and Weller left her walking alone in the nights just so they wouldn't call him on his feelings. He feels angry at himself. Angry for being so stupid to forget what was important. _She_ was important.

"Agent Weller?"

"Weller, would you like me to stay with her?" Patterson asks.

"No, no. I have this. Don't worry, Dr Borden. I will be with her the whole time. I'm not leaving her again. I will bring her in your office tomorrow."

"I'm okay," she protests, "really, there's no need to do all this. I'm sure you all have more important things to do. Please, I'm okay."

"There's nothing more important," he interrupts and takes her hand. "See you tomorrow, Dr Borden."

They walk side by side to the elevator. He holds her hand tighter and tighter. She can feel his fear, his worry, his panic. Once inside the elevator, she tries to relieve the tension. She turns to him trying to smile. "You're going to break my hand, Kurt. Come on, I'm okay."

He turns to her, his eyes dark, full of pain and anger. "Don't lie to me."

Her smile falters. "Please," she whispers, "I can handle this, you can go home."

He's looking straight at the door again. "I'm going home and you're coming with me." He squeezes her hand in both his hands now.

"Kurt…"

"You're coming with me."

She closes here eyes and sighs. "I can't come. What about Allie?"

"There's no Allie."

She looks at him. "What happened?" she asks carefully.

"You," he answers and holds her tighter.

Her eyes widen. He's still not looking at her. This is wrong. This is so wrong. She tries to let go of his grip but doesn't let go. "This is wrong, Kurt, this is so wrong. You were happy with her."

"No, I wasn't. I was safe."

"I can't take the blame for this, Kurt, not for this too."

They've reached the basement and the elevator doors open. Without saying a word he drags her with him to his car. Opens the door for her and helps her in. He sits next to her. Before starting the car, he sighs. And then looks at her. "It was a mistake. I shouldn't have been with her in the first place. It was unfair to her. I was losing control and I thought that this way I was regaining some of my control back, that if I had a resemblance of normalcy in my personal life, I could deal with this, with you better. "

She was looking at him. She felt sad. She had invaded this man's life in every possible way. She was affecting every aspect of his life. She was the reason behind his decisions. She wished she hadn't broken down in the locker room, that she wasn't found by Patty and Borden, that she was brave enough to get out, go to the road and do what she has been thinking about. "I'm the reason behind everything bad in your life in the past 25 years," she told him.

"No, you're not. You're the reason for everything real. Everything is better when you're around."

"How can you say that, Kurt? How can you say it?"

"I say this, because it's true."

"No, it's not."

"Maybe it isn't to you, because it doesn't feel the same. It is to me."

Tears started falling in her eyes. "Kurt…"

"Let's go home, Jane. "

"No," she says grabbing his hand, "No. You can't tell me this and then expect me to say nothing."

"You can say whatever you want, Jane."

"I am ruining your life. I'm … "

"Oh god. Stop it. Please stop it. No one can ruin my life but me."

"And you are when you're making these decisions, if you only knew…."

"Oh, I'll know. I'll know tonight. I'm telling you everything and you'll tell me everything."

"Kurt…"

"Everything Jane. No more lies between us. If something is gonna ruin anything is the lies, not you."

"I'm a lie," she whispers.

"You are whatever you choose to be, Jane. Never forget this."

They ride in silence for a while, and she feels him looking at her every couple of minutes.

"It feels the same to me," she says after a while.

"What?" he asks.

"Everything is better when you're around."


End file.
